Why Extraordinary Miracles Become Ordinary

“Miracles… rest not so much upon… healing power coming suddenly near us from afar but upon our perceptions being made finer, so that, for a moment, our eyes can see and our ears can hear what is there around us always.”

― Willa Cather, Death Comes for the Archbishop

Hello!

I’d like to start today’s article with a personal story. I remember many, many years ago when I first learned to drive; it felt like a miracle. I’m sure each of you has a similar story of when you first learned to drive. I nervously passed my driving test and was ready to take on the world.

But what was an even bigger miracle was that my mother, one day, held out the keys to her forest green Ford Mustang convertible with tan leather interior. She dangled the keys in front of me and said, “Maria, would you like to go and pick up your sister from her piano lessons?” Ah, I was in heaven! Up until that moment, I drove her car, but only when she was in the passenger seat, keeping an eye on me.

There I was, backing out of my mother’s driveway, with the top down, without anyone else in the car! At that very moment, the Beach Boys were singing “California Girl,” one of my favorite songs! I remember driving as slowly as legally possible to get to my sister’s piano lessons because I wanted to experience this miracle as long as possible. 

So this went on for a while: I  was only too glad to drive my mother’s car.  

Except when, five months later, I was watching Star Trek. Now, I’m a Trekkie, the name for fans who love everything related to that program. I know this probably dates me, but I remember the original Star Trek and Captain Kirk. I was just so engrossed in this particular episode that when my mother once again dangled the keys to her car and asked if I’d like to pick up my sister from her piano lessons, I remember asking her: “Mom, can I wait until after Star Trek?”  

Why did I want to put off picking my sister up? Because the miracle of driving in my mother’s car had faded. Yes, it was still enticing, but it had lost that “Miraculous Edge.” There’s a psychological term for this experience. It’s known as hedonic adaptation.

Hedonic adaptation, a term coined by researchers Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell in 1971, is a psychological phenomenon. It suggests that people return to a stable level of happiness despite significant changes in their life circumstances, be they positive or negative. In simpler terms, it’s the idea that the initial impact of life events, like receiving a promotion or undergoing a personal setback, gradually diminishes, leading individuals to revert to their baseline level of happiness over time​ (Psychology Today).

If you learned to ride a bike, you probably remember the moment you discovered how to balance the bike as you were riding it. Witness the miracle of a young boy who finally learns how to ride his bicycle.

Now, of course, the beginning “thrill” of those first few rides has worn off. Except if you’ve taken up mountain biking or some other sport involving balancing with two wheels or even one wheel!

At the Academy for Coaching Excellence, we have another cognitive model that demonstrates how and why miracles become everyday occurrences. They’re called Structures of Knowing. Each structure is made up of conclusions about how something works, along with evidence that reinforces why these conclusions are correct. For example, I had a Structure of Knowing about driving, thinking that my mother would never let me drive her prized forest green Mustang convertible without anyone else in the car. 

However, after driving it a few times, what was extraordinary became ordinary. I knew how it felt to get into the vehicle and drive with the top down. I was adapting to driving the car. My driving Structure of Knowing had expanded to include this particular event.

Think about it: when did you experience miraculous events that eventually became ordinary or mundane? It may have been when you first learned to:

• Walk
• Spell your name
• Bike
• Surf
• Cook a meal
• Use a computer
• Drive a tractor
• Say your ABC’s
• Get your first paycheck
• Open your first bank account

The truth is, you could look back on your life and see all the skills and accomplishments, excellent or small, that became ordinary because your knowledge about how the world works expanded! This occurrence, in and of itself, is the real miracle: that you have the power to increasingly engage with life!

Research suggests that hedonic adaptation occurs because the novelty of the new circumstance wears off, and the frequency of related positive events decreases over time. For example, the excitement of using a new kitchen fades as it becomes a regular part of life. Another factor is that our expectations may rise after initial achievements, which makes the new state feel less satisfying; this is sometimes referred to as the “satisfaction treadmill,” where we continuously need more to feel satisfied​ (Psychology Today)​ (www.MentalHelp.net).

Before leaving this article, let’s look at another way our body adapts to initially pleasing situations. It’s called sensory adaptation.

Have you ever wondered why the sensation of that first sip of coffee or wine often feels the best? It can be attributed to several factors, both sensory and psychological.

For coffee, the initial pleasure comes from the anticipation and the awakening of the senses. The brain releases dopamine, a pleasure hormone, even before you take that first sip, heightening the sense of enjoyment. This response is reinforced by the rich aroma and the taste of the coffee, which often provide a comforting and familiar ritual that can boost your mood as well as your alertness​ (JavaPresse Coffee Company)​ (Life Is Too Short For Bad Coffee).

Another example of sensory adaptation occurs with the first sip of wine.  With wine, our initial sip floods our taste buds with flavors and aromas to which our senses are highly receptive. Over time, just like with coffee, our senses adapt to these sensations, and the flavors may begin to feel less intense as our palate becomes familiar with them.

To summarize, in both cases, the excitement of the first sip is enhanced by our psychological expectations as well as the sensory delight they bring to us, making it an often extraordinarily satisfying experience. After that, our satisfaction diminishes and what was once extraordinary becomes ordinary.

Here’s a simple exercise that can serve to awaken your attention to miracles in your life so, to paraphrase Willa Cather, “Your eyes can see, and your ears can hear, what has been there around you always.” 

Get a “miracle journal” in which you begin to list events that have occurred today that are outside of your current Structure of Knowing, which have surprised you in a delightful or satisfying way. For example:

• News that you’ve been asked to participate in an exciting project 
• Placing a plant in your garden that went better than expected
• An offer of support on a project that you didn’t expect
• Learning a new piece on your guitar
• Delivering a talk that covered all the major points, with ease
• An unexpected acknowledgment or gift from people: your friend, family, or colleague
• You woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day ahead

Search out and seize these miracles, great or small! They indicate that you are engaged with your life and are willing to be delighted by what’s already there, just waiting for you to see it!

And, if you are interested in having a coaching session with me or want to talk about becoming a coach yourself, reach out to Monica@Acecoachtraining.com for a 30-minute session!

Here’s to the miracles in your life!