Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I always appreciate the feedback and questions that I get from those of you who find value in what I’m writing about.
Today I want to begin with a question. It’s one that I’ve personally grappled with for a number of years. Please take a moment to read it slowly, letting it “sink in.”
What is the question to which your life is the answer?
Not, what is your purpose?
Not, what are your goals?
Not even what do you want to accomplish or create?
But instead:
What is the question your life is already answering, simply by the way you are living it?
Whether we realize it or not, our lives are always answering something, through our choices, through what we pursue, through what we avoid, through how we treat others, and through what we stand for.
Our lives are not neutral. They are speaking, demonstrating, and revealing.
And sometimes, when we become still enough to see the answer we are living, we experience a wake-up call, because we notice that the answer our life is giving is not the answer we want it to give.
Seeing the Answer You Are Living
For example, some lives appear to answer questions like:
How can I get what I deserve? How can I make sure I’m not overlooked? Or, how can I finally prove that I matter?
But when you observe and recognize the question your life is answering, you gain ownership of it. And that is the turning point. Because once you see the answer you are living, you can choose again.
It is never too late to change the question your life is answering. Never too late to realign with what matters most. Never too late to decide what you want to be known for.
Here are four powerful shifts that move your life from being reactive to life’s circumstances to conscious authorship. It closely mirrors Julian Rotter’s work on the difference between Internal and External Locus of Control. Where External Locus of Control is a life that is threatened by circumstances that seem beyond your control. Internal Locus of Control, on the other hand, reflects a life in which the individual demonstrates the power to change external circumstances or to adjust to them.
Here are some shifts that reflect the difference between External and Internal Locus of Control. Once you see how it works, you can create the question you want your life to answer.
1. From Entitlement to Empowerment
One person’s life may answer:
How can I get what I deserve?
However, another question is available:
How can I create so much value that others rise with me?
When your life begins answering the second question, you stop keeping score. You begin creating impact. And paradoxically, the recognition you once longed for begins to find you, not because you pursued it, but because you became a source of value.
2. From Recognition Seeking to Recognition Giving
Many lives quietly organize around the question:
How can I finally be seen?
We all, at some point in our lives, want to be acknowledged and understood.
There is another question available to us:
How can I become someone who sees the greatness in others?
When your life answers this question, you become a mirror in which others discover themselves. You listen differently. You acknowledge differently. You speak about the existence of possibility to people who have forgotten it.
And those who make others visible rarely remain invisible themselves.
3. From Comparison to Contribution
Another common life question is:
How do I measure up?
Comparison can create an entire life experience that is rarely satisfying or satisfied.
But there is a liberating alternative for us to consider:
How do I show up?
Not: How do I rank, but how do I serve? Not how do I outshine, but how do I contribute?
When a life shifts from comparison to contribution, energy is released. Energy once spent on evaluation becomes available for creation. The question becomes: Where am I needed? What can I offer? How can I make this space better because I was here?
4. From Achievement Alone to Impact
Another External Locus of Control question is:
How can I succeed?
Success, in this context, is defined by metrics, titles, and accumulation.
But there is a more expansive question:
How can my success become a platform for lifting others?
Success is no longer the destination; it becomes the foundation.
Who benefits because I succeeded?
Who grows because I grew?
Who stands taller because I stood up first?
Here, your achievements mature into a legacy you can be proud of.
You Have the Power to Change the Answer
You are not locked into the answer your life has been giving.
If you can see the question your life has been answering, you can choose a different one. And the moment you do, your behavior reorganizes around that new inquiry. Your choices shift. Your attention shifts. Your relationships shift.
Because your life is always loyal to the question it is answering.
A Short Reflection
Because I’m a coach, I’ve created three sentences for you to consider. It’s the gateway to living the life you are meant to life. I promise.
Complete these three sentences:
- The question my life has been answering is
- The question I would rather have my life answer is…
- One way I can begin living that answer this week is…
Keep it simple. Keep it truthful. Keep it compassionate. No judgment, only authorship.
Remember, your life speaks every day through your tone, your generosity, your courage, and what you make important.
Don’t try to critique the answer you have lived, but to truthfully choose the answer you wish to live going forward.
Perhaps your life will answer questions like:
- How can I bring more encouragement into the world?
- How can I support others to see their own greatness?
- How can I leave every space kinder and more compassionate than I found it?
Whatever question you create, may it be one you are proud and grateful to have answered in your life.
What Is the Question to Which Your Life Is the Answer?
Let me begin with a question. It’s one I have personally grappled with for years.
What is the question to which your life is the answer?
Not, what is your purpose?
Not, what are your goals?
Not even, what do you want to accomplish?
Instead:
What question is your life already answering, simply by the way you are living it?
Whether we realize it or not, our lives are always answering something, through our choices, what we pursue, what we avoid, how we treat others, and what we make important.
Our lives are not neutral. They are revealing.
And sometimes, when we become still enough to see the answer we are living, we experience a wake up call. We recognize that the answer our life is giving is not the one we want it to give.
That recognition is the turning point.
Seeing the Answer You Are Living
Some lives quietly answer questions like:
How can I get what I deserve?
How can I avoid being overlooked?
How can I finally prove that I matter?
When you observe the question your life is answering, you gain ownership. And once you see it, you can choose again.
It is never too late to change the question your life is answering. Never too late to realign with what matters most. Never too late to decide what you want to be known for.
The shifts below mirror the distinction identified by psychologist Julian Rotter between External and Internal Locus of Control. An external locus places power outside oneself, circumstances determine meaning. An internal locus recognizes that while we cannot control everything, we can choose our response, our focus, and our contribution.
Once you see this clearly, you can consciously choose the question your life will answer.
1. From Entitlement to Empowerment
One life asks:
How can I get what I deserve?
Another asks:
How can I create so much value that others rise with me?
One waits. The other generates.
When your life begins answering the second question, you stop keeping score and start creating impact. And paradoxically, the recognition you once pursued begins to find you.
2. From Recognition Seeking to Recognition Giving
2. From Recognition Seeking to Recognition Giving
Many lives organize around the quiet question:
How can I finally be seen?
We all long, at times, to be acknowledged and understood.
But another question is available:
How can I become someone who sees the greatness in others?
When your life answers this question, you listen differently. You acknowledge differently. You speak possibility into places where it has been forgotten.
And those who make others visible rarely remain invisible.
3. From Comparison to Contribution
Another common life question is:
How do I measure up?
Comparison can consume enormous energy and rarely produces peace.
There is a liberating alternative:
How do I show up?
Not how do I rank, but how do I serve?
Not how do I outshine, but how do I contribute?
When a life shifts from comparison to contribution, energy is released. Energy once spent evaluating becomes available for creating.
Where am I needed?
What can I offer?
How can this space be better because I was here?
4. From Achievement Alone to Impact
An externally driven life may ask:
How can I succeed?
Here, success is defined by titles, metrics, and accumulation.
A more expansive question asks:
How can my success become a platform for lifting others?
Success is no longer the destination, it becomes the foundation.
Who benefits because I succeeded?
Who grows because I grew?
Who stands taller because I stood up first?
In this shift, achievement matures into legacy.
You Have the Power to Change the Answer
You are not locked into the answer your life has been giving.
If you can see the question your life has been answering, you can choose a different one. And the moment you do, your behavior reorganizes around that new inquiry. Your choices shift. Your attention shifts. Your relationships shift.
Because your life is always loyal to the question it is answering.
A Short Reflection
Complete these three sentences:
The question my life has been answering is
The question I would rather have my life answer is
One way I can begin living that answer this week is
Keep it simple. Keep it truthful. Keep it compassionate. No judgment, only authorship.
Your life speaks every day through your tone, your generosity, your courage, and what you make important.
Do not critique the answer you have lived. Consciously choose the answer you wish to live going forward.
Perhaps your life will answer questions such as:
How can I bring more encouragement into the world?
How can I help others see their own greatness?
How can I leave every space kinder than I found it?
Whatever question you choose, may it be one you are proud and grateful to have answered.
Dr. Maria Nemeth
Leave a Reply