“Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.” – William James.
Hello, and thank you once again for taking the time to read this article.
I intend to bring you ideas to explore for yourself with the possibility of having your life filled with clarity, focus, ease, and grace.
In this article, we explore the Pitfalls of Self-Diagnosis, looking particularly at the concept of Procrastination. More specifically, we will look at whether or not there is such a “thing” as Procrastination. I give it an uppercase “P” in order to emphasize how we treat this as a diagnostic entity.
The following is a story that I’ve seen repeated countless times over the 35 years that I’ve coached people. It’s all about the unfulfilled expectations that mount up when we don’t do what we promised to do.
Chris was a brilliantly creative person. He’d contributed a chapter to a book about having relationships that thrive. Now, he wanted to write a book about relationships on his own. However, like many people taking on a new project—whether writing a book, starting a business, or going beyond any familiar limits—he faced ongoing tension every time he thought of taking the first step.
Chris talked to me about the book he wanted to write. He had brilliant ideas for it, but the tension made it easy for him to postpone writing a few key points that would help him clarify its purpose.
In our coaching sessions, he would promise to write that one page. However, for two sessions in a row, he came up with an excuse for postponing this.
At the beginning of the third session, having once again found an excuse for not writing that page, he said the following:
“Dr. Maria, I’ve discovered something about myself.”
“What is it, Chris?” I asked.
“I’m a procrastinator,” he said.
I asked him to explain.
“Well, I put things off, like this one-pager about my book. I don’t always do what I say I’m going to do. Sometimes, I move tasks from one day’s to-do list to the next and then to the next. Have you ever experienced that?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“Then you know what it’s like to be a procrastinator! “ he proudly announced.
I paused. “Chris, let’s break this down. You’re engaging in a form of self-diagnosis, aren’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you might as well say, ‘I have procrastinitis!’” I joked.
He laughed. “That’s exactly it!”
“Let’s take a step back and ask: Is this really the most effective way to see yourself? When you label yourself as a procrastinator, you are not just making a statement about your current behavior; you’re reinforcing a belief about your identity.
“Labeling yourself like this is almost like saying: ‘You can count on me to behave this way in the future, just as I have in the past.’ That is, you set an expectation. Your brain then uses this ‘procrastination label’ as a lens, gathering evidence from your actions to support this view. This traps you in a cycle, perpetuating the same behaviors over and over again.
“And this gets even more to the point: what if procrastination isn’t a real thing?”
Chris was skeptical. I could see it in his face. He rubbed his chin. However, I continued: “If you promised to write one paragraph tomorrow before 10 am —and actually did it—in that moment, would you still be calling yourself a procrastinator?”
“No…” he admitted hesitantly.
“So what would you be doing instead?”
“Writing.”
“Exactly. Because, once again, when you call yourself a procrastinator, you’re making it a permanent identity. But if you simply take even the smallest action when you promised, you remove the label and focus on your behavior. Self-diagnostic labels can provide a sense of certainty, but they also trap us. If we say, “This is just who I am,” we excuse inaction. But what if there’s no such ‘thing’ as procrastination? What if there’s only action or inaction?
Chris continued to look skeptical. Giving up an identity—even a negative one—is unsettling. It’s difficult to have certainty about who you are taken away too quickly.
I challenged him: “ Do you want your tombstone to say, ‘Here lies Chris the Procrastinator’ or ‘Here lies Chris, who made a significant contribution to our lives”?
He chose the latter.
So, we started with a small, achievable step—writing just half a page a day. He did that for two weeks. Then, we increased it to a full page.
Let’s do the math:
- 1 page a day = 1 book in a year.
- 2 pages a day = 2 books in a year.
Chris realized success wasn’t about grand commitments—it was about consistent, small actions.
If we keep calling ourselves procrastinators, we’ll continue acting that way. It’s a cycle:
1. We label ourselves. (“I’m a procrastinator.”)
2. We gather evidence. (“I put this task off today.”)
3. Our behavior follows. (“See? I did it again.”)
4. The cycle reinforces itself.
This is what I call a personal do-loop—a repetitive pattern where beliefs shape actions, which in turn reinforce beliefs.
But what happens if we disrupt that cycle?
Instead of diagnosing yourself, ask:
- What do I want to be known for?
- If I continue down this path, will I end up where I want to be? Or will I be filled with regret about what might have been?
- What small step can I take today?
Chris eventually wrote his book. Then, he self-published it. Then, he sold enough copies to attract an agent, who secured him a traditional publishing deal.
He went from “I’m a procrastinator” to “I’m an author.”
From “I put things off” to “I take small, consistent steps.”
This shift didn’t happen overnight. But it started with one decision: to replace self-diagnosis with action.
There’s a theory in social psychology called Action Identification Theory. This theory proposes that the level at which an individual identifies an action affects how they perform it. Thinking of tasks in terms of specific actions (“write the first sentence of my report”) rather than abstract identities (“I’m a procrastinator”) can make starting and completing tasks feel more manageable.
Have you ever labeled yourself? It could sound like the following:
I’m someone who is:
- An early riser (or late riser), meaning “therefore, don’t count on me to do anything after (or before) a particular deadline.”
- A control freak, meaning “I do things my way, so don’t count on me to change my ways.”
- Risk-averse, meaning “therefore, don’t count on me to try something new because it’s not going to be safe enough.”
- Relationship-averse, meaning “therefore, don’t count on me to get close to you.”
- A procrastinator, meaning “I just can’t finish tasks on time.”
- A ___ (fill in the blank)
If this is so, write down whatever you’ve diagnosed about yourself. Tell the truth. Then, ask yourself: Where is this belief leading me?
There’s an old Buddhist saying that goes like this:
“If we continue down this path, we’re liable to end up where we are headed….”
Where are you headed? What have you said is true about you? I’m talking about the self-diagnoses that allow you to maintain an image you want to convey to the rest of the world.
Here’s another strategy that may help you let go of the self-diagnoses that no longer serve you.
Take a piece of paper and write the answers to the following questions. Be frank with yourself. Open up and see where you are going. So, with that preamble, here are the final questions:
- If I continue to gather evidence for my self-diagnosis, what will I regret not having done with my life?
- If I no longer identify myself with a label, what will I gain in my life?
Regarding each question, make as complete a list as possible. Look at your personal as well as professional life and at the price you pay for continuing down the self-diagnosis path. This price could include your relationships with the following six forms of energy: money, time, physical vitality, creativity, enjoyment, and/or relationships.
Then, look at what you will gain in your relationships with the above six forms of energy if you no longer continue down the self-diagnosis path.
You have a choice: You can gather more evidence for your old labels, or you can take one small step toward the future you want. Which do you choose?
Choose wisely: Your success depends on it.
This is Dr. Maria, wishing you a life filled with clarity, focus, ease, and grace.
See you next time!
