Hello!
I’m back and writing my bi-weekly articles. This one on thriving during times of adversity seems appropriate, given that we are living in a time of uncertainty and change. Those conditions create the perfect environment that makes people vulnerable to the experience of adversity.
In order to look at how to thrive during times of adversity, let’s first look at a definition of adversity to help us understand what it means.
What is Adversity?
Adversity refers to a state of hardship, difficulty, or misfortune that someone experiences. It could be a loss, a threat of loss, or something else that seemed totally unexpected and that, for the moment, seems overwhelming to us. Later, we might discover that there were early signs that an adverse event was on its way to us, but for the present moment, as one person put it:
Ron: I was shocked when we lost a contract I was sure we’d secure. We had crafted an exciting proposal, and my team was ready to proceed. However, I received a call explaining that the client was taking a different, supposedly more successful financial path. This news was deeply unsettling, and I struggled with feelings of numbness and concern for my staff’s reaction.
Over the following week, as I shared the news, my team seemed to handle it better than I did. Meanwhile, I grew increasingly irritable, both at work and at home, feeling a hit to my self-esteem and constantly wondering, “How could this have happened?”
It’s important to note that your reactions to an adverse event may not arise for seven to ten days after the event itself. During that time, you could notice feeling increasingly down, dispirited, or even irritated at what’s happening around you without even knowing why you’re feeling that way. This response is absolutely normal. Everyone experiences some kind of reaction following a difficult event.
One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is whether we can learn important life lessons and even thrive while dealing with adversity.
The answer to the above is absolutely yes! Adversity, despite its challenges, often creates conditions for our personal growth. All we need to do is remain open to the possibilities that are waiting for us.
What Does it Mean to Thrive?
Thriving, in its essence, is about growing and developing well. It’s about feeling that we are in the right place, doing what we are meant to do.
You and I thrive when we realize that we can still be a significant contribution to someone’s life, no matter who they are or where they come from. This ability to make a difference not only allows us to flourish but also gives our lives a true sense of purpose and meaning.
Maya Angelou’s talks have always inspired me. The one called “Be a Rainbow in Someone Else’s Cloud” is the perfect example of what she does in the face of adversity. What she talks about is available for all of us to do. (You can listen to this short talk by clicking on the title just above.)
Taking the cue from Maya Angelou’s talk, it’s clear that one way to thrive during adversity is to find people whose lives you can light up.
This is what you might do to open up the possibility of thriving:
- First, look at what’s important to you. For example, do you value being a loving family member, a generous friend, or a contributor to your community? These are known as your Life’s Intentions. I’ve attached a way you can get the Life’s Intentions Inventory. Click here to discover which Life’s Intentions “light you up.”
- Next, pick two of them that score a 5 for you.
- For each of these Life’s Intentions, look at what, specifically, you are willing to do. For example:
“To be a generous friend,” you might decide to send an e-card to some of your friends, letting them know how much they mean to you.
“To be a loving family member,” find something to do with your partner and/or children that’s unexpectedly fun.
“To be a contributor to my community,” you might find something to do with the people around you that helps them in some way.
The point is to find something outside of yourself that restores your sense of self-efficacy. Basically, self-efficacy is the experience that you can do something that’s relevant and that allows you to demonstrate some power in the face of difficulty. This power is what keeps people thriving no matter what their age or circumstances.
Thriving Using Primary and Secondary Control
I love to listen to “The Hidden Brain.” It’s hosted by Shakar Vedantam, an American journalist and science correspondent known for his work on human behavior and the social sciences. Every episode is fascinating and gives us insight into how this brain of ours functions under various circumstances.
There’s an episode on this program entitled: “Healing 2.0: What We Gain from Pain.” It looks into the topic of adversity and its impact on personal development. I’m sure you can find it in the podcast library at NPR.
The discussion this time revolved around the idea that enduring and overcoming difficult experiences can lead to significant personal growth, a common theme in American culture. They talked about several positive symbols that influence this notion, including those portrayed in superhero movies, where characters often gain strength through overcoming personal trauma.
The episode examined how these cultural stories and beliefs about adversity and triumph shape our understanding of personal growth. For example, the podcast touched on the concept of post-traumatic growth, especially when looking at something like the COVID-19 pandemic. It highlighted how people can transform and develop new strengths through their experiences of suffering and trauma.
An important and the most exciting part of the discussion was the exploration of Primary and Secondary control strategies for thriving with adversity. A simple definition of these ways of dealing with adverse events is this:
- Primary Control involves attempts to change the world to fit our needs.
- Secondary Control involves changing ourselves to align with the world as it is.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebuhr
Each of these strategies echoes the words of the poet who first penned the above phrase, which came to be known as the “Serenity Prayer” that graces the halls of numerous churches and public rooms.
Primary Control involves taking direct action aimed at changing the environment to meet one’s goals.
In contrast, Secondary Control strategies include cognitive efforts to adapt ourselves to the situation when changing it isn’t possible or practical.
In a future article, we’ll look at how to use Primary and Secondary Control to thrive in times of adversity. But for now, remember that the way to thrive is not necessarily about trying to feel better during adversity but rather to be better by taking action. I hope this article points you in that direction.
Goodbye for now,
