Hello, and welcome to another issue—this one is about a way of life that leaves many of us feeling exhausted, trapped, and prematurely aged. I call it “Busyholism.”
The question in front of us is simple: Are you in the driver’s seat of your life, or are you being driven?
If you’re taking the time to read this, I want to acknowledge you for doing just that. In a world where life moves fast and moments blur together, even a pause to reflect is an act of courage.
What is Busyholism?
Busyholism is a term I’ve used for many years as a psychologist. It describes our compulsion to stay constantly in motion. Like an addiction, it’s fueled by anxiety. If we stop, we feel uneasy. So we keep going. But it’s a joyless way to live, isn’t it?
It can feel like being a victim of our own to-do list. Our inner mantra becomes, “Just get me through this.” And even when we “get through,” the satisfaction is fleeting.
Let’s take a breath—and look more closely at what busyholism looks like in everyday life.
Three Symptoms of Busyholism
- Repetition
Doing the same things over and over, whether or not they’re helpful, enjoyable, or necessary. Like checking your phone compulsively. - Limited Satisfaction
There’s no joy in what we’re doing. Ask yourself: Does this constant motion bring me peace or make me happy? - Perfectionism
That inner voice whispers, “Just one more tweak…” and before you know it, hours are gone.
A client once shared a story with me that I will never forget. I’ll call her Marge:
“I had the perfect photo for a local contest. I tweaked the exposure, the resolution, and the framing. I wanted it to be just right. But by the time I was ready to submit it, the deadline had passed. I went to the show anyway and saw the winners. Beautiful photos. But I knew mine could have won. I just didn’t leave well enough alone.”
Sound familiar?
Don’t Analyze—Observe
We’re not here to analyze why you’re so busy. That kind of analysis can keep you stuck. (“I’m like this because…”) Instead, let’s look compassionately and clearly at what is.
Your power lies in your ability to observe and then shift your behavior, moving from being driven to having a life filled with joy and satisfaction. So be ruthlessly kind as you read and answer this short Busyholism Survey.
Busyholism Survey
- I’m tired most of the time.
- I’m always in motion.
- I feel unappreciated for all I do.
- Interruptions frustrate me.
- I rarely rest or play on days off.
- I miss meaningful time with loved ones.
- When I finally do something I enjoy, I’m too tired to enjoy it.
- I feel guilty when resting.
- On vacation, I either rush through activities or collapse because I’m too tired.
- I miss important moments in my life because I’m checking emails.
- I use caffeine, sugar, or alcohol to either push through or wind down.
- I say I’ll think about my goals “when I have time.” And I rarely have the time.
- I carry more than my share of responsibility.
- I gulp food and rush through the day.
- I put off meaningful goals until “things calm down.”
- I have unread stacks of books or magazines.
- I avoid delegating. I know I’ll just have to redo it.
- Lunch breaks feel like interruptions.
- I avoid drinking water so I won’t need bathroom breaks.
As you can see, there’s no rating scale here. If even a few of these ring true, you’re not alone. And here’s the good news: telling the truth is the first step toward freedom.
Real Stories, Real Lives
Sylvia, whose daughter recently married, said:
“I wanted the wedding to be perfect. I missed the toasts, the joy, even the first dance. I was too busy managing every detail. I wasn’t present. And now—I regret it.”
Carl told me:
“I was at my son’s soccer final, but I spent the game answering emails. I looked up just in time to see him score. I realized how many other moments I’d missed.”
What Can You Do?
Let me introduce you to Rick, a marketing executive who longed to paint. He insisted he had no time. I got more specific and asked if he had 15 minutes, from 6:00 to 6:15 pm. He hesitated, then admitted he did.
He promised to do this for two weeks. He began painting for just 15 minutes each evening in his garage. That was the deal: not one minute more or less. He committed to painting every evening for two weeks—but only for 15 minutes a day. By setting a clear and limited time frame, he lowered his tendency to become driven by this promise.
But here’s what happened! Not long after he’d started, his 12-year-old son, Ben, asked to join. What began as a quiet, individual practice became a daily ritual they shared. A year later, they exhibited their work at a local event, and Ben sold two paintings.
Rick later told me:
“If work was tough, all I had to do was think about my painting date with Ben, and I relaxed.”
Just 15 minutes. Could you do that too?
You have 1,440 minutes each day. We all do! Try dedicating 15 of them to something that warms your heart and nourishes your spirit. Gardening? Writing? Painting”? Playing a musical instrument? You know in your heart that there’s something you’d enjoy doing. Morning? Evening? Pick a time and begin. And see what comes of this daily practice!
A Word About Rest
Rest isn’t the same as play. It’s the stillness that renews you. JFK, Churchill, and Einstein took daily naps. Just 20 minutes.
Imagine someone offered you $100,000 to rest for 20 minutes a day for one month. Skip a day? You lose the money. Could you do it?
Once the habit forms, you will probably want to maintain it for more than thirty days.
How about starting to rest for 20 minutes each day. Because your clarity, well-being, and longevity are certainly worth even more than $100,000, yes?
A Final Practice: Gratitude
Every night for 30 days, write down three things you’re grateful for. You can also watch Brother David Steindl-Rast’s A Grateful Day on YouTube—a short, moving reflection.
At the end of 30 days, you’ll have a map of what matters most.
Then ask yourself:
What might I be enjoying if I weren’t so busy?
Who would I be spending time with—and what would we be doing?
Because in the end, your life is in your hands.
What do you want to be remembered for?
How busy you were—or how deeply you were loved?
You already know the answer.
Until next time, this is Dr. Maria, saying thank you. You are in the driver’s seat of your life. Don’t let Busyholism take the wheel.
Bye for now.
