What Metaphors Are You Dancing With: Do They Really Support You To Be Successful?

Today I’m covering a fascinating topic—one you might find a bit unusual but definitely worth exploring: What metaphors are you dancing with, and do they support your success?

Our language, especially English, uses metaphors a lot. Some languages don’t rely on them as heavily, but that’s a topic for another article. For today, let’s look at the metaphors we use to describe ourselves. A metaphor describes something by saying it is something else, often to convey a deeper meaning.

For example, saying, “I’m stuck.” That’s a metaphor. But, are we really stuck? Let me tell you about a woman I worked with who was writing a book. She was excited about it—focused on how women entrepreneurs can support each other to be prosperous. But then, she said, “Dr. Maria, I’m stuck. I sit at my desk, open my Google doc, and my mind goes blank. It’s terrible. I feel like there’s a boulder in my way. I don’t know how to get over or around it. I’m just stuck.”

Now, when we say we’re stuck (or resisting something), is that really the case? I asked her to consider: “What if you aren’t stuck?” I coached her to recognize that each time she said “I’m stuck,” her brain was gathering evidence to support that belief. So I gave her a small assignment: “Write just one sentence a day for the next five days. No more, just one.” I also asked her to come up with a new metaphor to replace “I’m stuck.”

By the end of the week, she came back and said, “Dr. Maria, something weird happened. I chose a new metaphor: The sky’s the limit. And the moment I wrote it down, something shifted. I even ended up writing more than just one sentence a couple of days!” She realized she didn’t need to dance with that old metaphor anymore.

How often do we say things like, “I’m out of time,” or, “I’m worn out,” or, “There are too many obstacles in my way”? Do these metaphors help us? Take a moment and think of a metaphor you’ve used to explain why you’re not doing something you promised. Do you feel empowered by it?

There’s a famous quote from Charles Fillmore, the founder of the Unity Church Movement. He was in his 90s and would say, “I fairly sizzle with zeal and enthusiasm as I spring forth with a mighty faith to do the things that ought to be done by me.” Sizzle—what a great metaphor! Springing forth—another great one!

But what metaphors are you using? Are you ready to stop dancing with the ones that aren’t serving you anymore?

Now, about resistance: many people say, “I’m resisting this,” or, “I can’t move forward because of my resistance.” This idea of resistance comes from Sigmund Freud, who I studied while earning my PhD at UCLA. In the late 1800s, Freud was sitting with colleagues in Vienna, and they were fascinated with electricity. It was the cutting-edge technology of the time, and people were creating metaphors around it. Freud described one of his patients as “resisting,” like an electrical wire not allowing current to flow through. He coined the term resistance to explain why some patients seemed to block their own progress.

This metaphor spread, much like others do in different eras. During the atomic age, for example, we had things like “atomic diets.” If you saw a book now called Atomic Success, would that resonate with you? Probably not. But in the atomic age, everything was framed through that lens. Later, it was quantum physics: quantum diets, quantum success. And now? We’re in the age of neuroscience, so we get neuro diets, neuro success. These metaphors evolve with the times.

But let’s go back to resistance. It was originally about electrical currents. Freud said it was an unconscious defense mechanism—you wouldn’t know you were doing it. So when people say, “I’m resisting,” or, “I’m in denial,” they’re actually not. Because if you were in denial, you wouldn’t even know it!

So, this is all by way of asking: what metaphors have you been dancing with? Take a look at that piece of paper and see if you can spot one or two. Maybe you’ve written something like “I’m between a rock and a hard place,” or “I’m stuck,” or “I’ve run out of energy.” Now, what if you considered some different kinds of metaphors?

I have a list here of some that you might enjoy:

• “I’m on top of the world.”
• “I’m shining bright.”
• “I’m spreading my wings.”
• “I see the seeds of success.”
• “I’m turning the tide.”

Now, what if you chose to focus on one of these metaphors? What would that be like for you?

To wrap this up, let’s revisit the resistance metaphor. What if you discovered that you don’t resist? Sometimes we feel uncomfortable because we’re not doing what we promised, even if it’s as simple as taking one small, sweet step. But as soon as you take that step toward your goal or dream and keep your promise to yourself, the discomfort starts to fade.

The bottom line is this: if you’ve been dancing with this particular metaphor of resistance, once you do what you said you would do, you’ll find that you’re not struggling anymore.

So, with all these metaphors that you’ve been dancing with to explain—or maybe even justify—why you haven’t followed through on something, are you willing to shift your focus toward a new metaphor and stick it next to your computer screen? The idea is that this metaphor should encourage you, giving your brain a chance to relax and see what’s true about you.

Because if you are watchful of the things you say and shift your focus, you will find success, as I define it: doing what you said you would do, consistently, with clarity, focus, ease, and grace. Try it out, See you next time.